No, I am not going to write about some amazing life changing experience that gave me hope. It’s the opposite really.
At first I had hope. I never would have thought I would be off for more than a month. I never would’ve thought that I wouldn’t get my spot on the 2014 provincial team. I stayed positive. I did everything I could to stay in shape. I kept on waiting and praying for my knee to heal. One month off turned into two. This was absolutely HORRIFYING to me. Two months off running for someone who’s obsessed with running seems like 2 years. Still I believed. I believed I could get through this. I believed I could still go to the Olympics. I went through summer off running. I went to some meets as much as it hurt to see everyone racing and competing. I stayed positive. I cheered on teammates. I thought I could still make a come back. In September I was able to jog. My knee seemed finally ok. So I started cross country. My knee was still not 100% but I was tired of not running. I couldn’t stand it. My knee also seemed to hit a plateau. It got to a point where it didn’t seem like it would get any better. So I ran in cross country. Not very fast but I ran. At first I was happy and grateful to be back running . Then I realized it wasn’t going to get better, I was slow and I certainly wasn’t anywhere near to where I used to be. About seven months after I injured my knee, and months after physio therapy) that did as much as me on cleaning day) I began to forget what it felt like to run without pain,( a thing I had done for so many miles and years before). In the back of my mind I couldn’t believe that I was the same person that had won nationals the previous year, the same person hat I was before.
I had lost hope.